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| Mary Carol Holbert |
Lance was talking to us about his experience with his Toastmasters Club in Los Angeles, which he has been involved with for 20 years. The conversation was about a number of things, ranging from membership building to contest experiences.
At one point, I heard Lance say, “I lost my club for nine years.”
I'd like to say it was the wine, but I was drinking iced tea. Maybe it was the artificial sweetener attacking my brain cells? At any rate, my mind instantly locked onto the thought of ‘losing a club' for nine years! How could that happen? Did the club dissolve or disband for those years? Did it move to a new location too distant? Did it become a private, corporate club, not open to outside members? How could you lose a club? For nine years?
You'd think all those thoughts would take minutes, but they all flew through my head in a nano-second. I'm sure my expression must have been befuddled, but Lance appeared even more confused when I blurted “How did that happen?”
He took a second (I wonder what thoughts were spinning through his brain?) before he said, “Because people at my club were better than me.”
Huh? For an instant, that response made no sense to me at all.
Then, I realized my mistake. Lance had said “I lost AT my club for nine years.” He was talking about his early years competing in the International Speech Contest at his club level, and somehow, by missing the word 'at', I had missed that fact entirely.
Two letters, one syllable, one tiny preposition... and the meaning of the sentence was completely transformed. My confused question about the ‘lost club' must have sounded a little (a lot?) callous -- like pouring salt into a wound. (Or maybe Lance took it to mean I couldn't believe he could lose, which would be infinitely less inconsiderate.)
There was a moment of silence while all that sunk in, and then I gasped. “I thought you said you lost your club! I didn't hear the ‘at'!”
The whole table had a huge laugh at my gaffe, and there were no lasting repercussions from the misunderstanding. However, as I thought about the error, and the ensuing confusion, I reflected on how often one tiny mistake can change the course of relationships or events...
How many times have people been hurt, or disappointed, or angered because the message sent and the message received were not the same? As a communicator, when I get a reaction that seems out of line with what I expect, could there be a missing ‘at'? Could there be some small error in communication that would cause a big misunderstanding?
Be on watch for your missing ‘at' (whatever form it may take), so you won't experience a ‘missed' communication, too!
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